void in my life.

think of an hour glass, the sand running through the little hole, ticking of time, just when you think you filled it, a huge hand comes down upon you and flips it upside down.

again.

i wonder if i ever will fill it. Or will i walk around with this sense of temporary fills, only to find that filling to go away at a drop of a hat. or a hand, i guess turning it around.

i dont want to be one of those people that can never stay happy. i dont want to do that to the people i love. i dont want to keep looking for a filling and drag all these good people with me. i feel selfish doing that.

maybe it will go away, or the hourglass will become a yearglass, something that appears at random times, but not all the time.I could deal with a randomglass of void.

i've been realizing, thru time, that this void has been here my entire life. it just didn't appear, i filled it will something i thought was going to be permanent, and it turned out not to be.

i'm a better person now that i gained my void back. or i would like to think i am. i've changed but i didn't try to.

the one thing i wished for my whole life is to have a good friend. i had that for 1o months of my twenty years of life, and i am so glad i had that.