Abandonment

He ignores me for the girls he likes.

I realized today that our friendship isn't mutual.
I may like him like that but I want to be friends with him more.
I need to fix this.

I need to see him as only a friend and not as a love interest.
This way, I can like the girls he hangs out with.
And not feel so jealous that he wants to not hang out with me for so and so.

I feel like this is a repeat of Paul.
I really liked him
I adored him as a friend.
But he did not adore me as one.
So he ditched me for his other friends.
I felt alone and scared.
I ended the relationship
and it put a strain on it for a very long time.
Our friendship will never be the same, and I hate that.

I realized how much I adored him today.
How handsome he is when he gives a half smile.
And how contagious his laugh is.
How much I want him in my life for a very long time.

I would do anything to make it stay that way.

I would drop everything to hang out with him
To talk to him
to give him company.
I would never ignore him for my love interest.
He would not, and that hurts the most.


This needs to end.
I don't want to feel the way I do about Paul about him.
I want to always be his friend and not feel abandoned.
So here is my plan

No texting, unless he texts first.
No facebook chatting, unless he chats.
If he wants to hang out, I will be happy to.
If he wants to work out, he can ask me.

And if that means, not see him everyday. So be it.
I'll miss him. But I can't deal with being abandoned again.
It hurts too much and I want to cry.

I'm a selfish friend.
That needs to change.