Thoughts

Dear People,

Hi.

Today has not gone off on the foot I wanted it to go off on. (For reference, left foot)

It is only 12:37am so it has to get better. I will eventually use my left foot.

No one seems to read this except for my one follower. (Thanks follower--Luke) So I guess it's okay if I share my whole feelings to the rest of the world.

Or maybe it isn't. Maybe that's the problem, I am too open. I share too much. I am too loose.

It seems like whenever my life decides to get a boo boo, I feel like I could never be happier. And then the news comes and I am devastated that my life wasn't as perfect as I thought it would be.

When my grandmother died, I had just got a new boyfriend. (It turned out to be just an online thing and nothing more.) But being the girl I am I was so happy and ready to do this full fledged relationship and dump my old boyfriend out the window. He didn't speak English, so it's okay...haha no it isn't but still.

When my grandfather died,I think I was happy, I am not quite sure. I knew it was going to happen and I am glad that most of his family was doing what he loved when it did. (We were fishing....or I was, at least, most of my cousins were doing god know what). I would have rather been with him when he passed but what am I going to do? It is history.

You know my grandfather was the first man to call me beautiful. I was 14 years old and the gawkiest thing around. My hips were swelling and my breast didn't exist as much as they do now. He said I was very lucky to have an hourglass figure with such a small waist, many woman would love that. "What does it matter, Grandpa. It isn't like I am going to get a guy or anything."

I remember him stopping, thinking....probably about "what the heck have I gotten myself in to". And then explaining to me about how I was beautiful and if a guy is what I want in life, I will get it. "But don't tell anyone this, Hannah, you are my favorite German Gal and you are going to do great things." In less words and in a mean sort of way. But there is no way I can capture Douglas Shockley Daniels in print, no no no. That is impossible.I am not even going to try.

I think what I liked most about Grandpa is that he was a kind kind man, but he wasn't always nice. I do not think he treated my grandma as well as he should have in the earlier years of marriage and oh my, he sounded like a rampant teenager when he was younger.

It gives me hope for the future. His bad past didn't reflect on what kind of life he had later in life. Maybe my bad decisions will be the same way. Maybe they won't. But either way, I have to live to have life.

And that is an option that doesn't come with a dealbreaker.

[Sorry about the grammar and spelling. I didn't read over this. ]